Coyne Pwns Palin With Pun

Only a biologist, my darlings, can pwn Palin with a pun like this:

Here’s her argument in all its glory:
“I believed in the evidence for microevolution—that geologic and species change occurs incrementally over time, (…) But I didn’t believe in the theory that human beings—thinking, loving beings—originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea. Or that human beings began as single-celled organisms that developed into monkeys who eventually swung down from trees; I believed we came about not through a random process, but were created by God.”
Leaving aside the tiresome misinterpretation that natural selection is “random” (where has any evolutionist said this?), this needs some robust rebuttal, which was provided by Jerry Coyne, in an e-mail published over at The Daily Beast:
“University of Chicago ecology and evolution professor at Jerry Coyne calls the passage in Palin’s book a “typical creationist ploy” easily refuted by fossil evidence suggesting transitions between animals as fish and amphibians or land animals and whales. “Her stand is basically a biblically oriented stand…that has no basis in fact,” Coyne told The Daily Beast in an e-mail. “It is a ridiculous ploy of the ‘duck kind,’ i.e. a canard.”
‘Nuff said.

Indeed.

I Know, I Know: You’re Sick of Sarah. But Wait’ll You Read The Teaser….

Sarah Palin, a Dead Parrot, and Scrotal Asymmetry

What does scrotal asymmetry have to do with Sarah Palin? At first, the answer might seem like a mystery and an enigma wrapped in a conundrum. But the real answer is within our grasp, and it reveals something about the unreality of American politics.

And astonishingly, it does.

Taught me something about male human anatomy, too…

Sarah Palin Word Salad Bar

I’m catching up on all the blog reading I missed whilst gallivanting around Arizona. I spent tonight on Canadian Cynic, where I came across the link to this exercise in agony. I feel so sorry for AKMuckraker, who actually subjected himself to 17 minutes’ worth of Palin. At least I got to pause and go look at LOLcats when my brain started seeping out my ears:

So Ronald Reagan spoke to us then with us here in our hearts is where he reached us, and that’s where he won the arguments and then, this was, this was the good part, we the American people through him, we imposed our will on Washington, and that is the way it’s supposed to be.

(I think that sentence may get the “Word Salad Award.”)

Our government is supposed to be working for us, we are not to be working for our government. It’s our will to be imposed on them. (applause) He captured our hearts so he could affect positive change by what he did. He focused on our kids, on our children, on their future, on the future of America. And when he fought socialism and any sort of tyranny that he knew would ruin us, he stood strong on his knowing that the framework through which he believed that positive change that framework for our kids, it was freedom.

(Wait…..no….maybe it was that one)

Today the things that some in Washington would do to take away our freedoms, it’s absolutely astounding, and we would do so well to look back on those Reagan years as he championed the cause for freedom and then he lived it out as our president – cheerfully, persistently and unapologetically. Reagan knew that real change and real change requiring shaking things up and maybe takin’ off the entrenched interest thwarting the will of the people with their ignoring of our concerns about future peril caused by selfish short-sighted advocacy for growing government and digging more debt, and taking away individual and state’s rights and hampering opportunity to responsibly develop our resources, and coddling those who would seek to harm America and her allies.

(Nope. It’s definitely THAT one!)

Good thing we’re not at a real salad bar, because I’d be lobotomizing myself with a fork just to make the pain stop.

As Lulu said:

Just think, boys and girls — the Republican brain trust (and I use the term very loosely) actually believed this was someone capable of being one rather feeble heartbeat away from the presidency.

Scary, huh?

That’s the exact thought that haunts my nightmares. Especially since these flaming fuckwits still think “Palin for President!” isn’t a sick fucking joke. I guess she blinds them with bullshit.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find a jelly mold for my poor melted brain. I’m hoping it’ll reset overnight…

Horrifying Thought

Deargodspleasenoooooooo:

Asked Wednesday whether she still believed that Mr. Stevens should resign, Ms. Palin was circumspect, saying only that the people of Alaska “just spoke” on the issue at the ballot box and that “they want him as their senator.” She said Mr. Stevens should decide “what happens next.” (Mr. Stevens could still be forced to step down, and Ms. Palin is widely viewed as a potential candidate for his seat if he does.) [emphasis added]

You know something? If those are the choices – a convicted felon and Sarah Palin – I’d rather have the felon. At least Stevens is merely a corrupt fucking bastard rather than a batshit insane, lying, scheming, stealing, power-abusing, dead-ignorant, frothing fundie fucktard.

Could this be a gambit to ensure Stevens retains his seat?

Palin Pranked by Pretend President

Watch this in its entirety. Then, after you’ve picked your laughing ass off the floor, wiped the tears of mingled mirth and horror, and regained a semblance of composure, send it on to all of those relatives, coworkers, acquaintances and friends who have clung tenaciously to the idea that voting for McCain/Palin is the right thing to do for this country.

Ask them a single question afterward: do you really think that a woman naive enough to get suckered into thinking that two radio station comedians are actually the President of France and his aide, who despite clear signals that this is a prank doesn’t catch on until they tell her, is equipped to handle foreign policy responsibilities in a dangerous world?

This woman isn’t just stupid. She’s terrifyingly stupid.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Scout Finch at Daily Kos)

Walking the Walk: Palin Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot

Sarah Palin’s talent for fucking herself over every time she opens her mouth is truly mind-boggling:

“Here’s the difference between John McCain and our ticket and Barack Obama and Joe Biden,” she said. “We don’t just talk the talk, we walk the walk. And that’s why in not just that first speech, but in every speech I give, I talk about being an advocate and a friend in the White House for our families who have members who have these special needs.” [emphasis added]


When asked by “gotcha” journalist Shelby Sheehan of KRNV just how she and McCain planned to walk the walk they were talking about, Palin tripped over her own feet:

Alaska Governor and Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin says autism is an issue “near and dear” to her heart and she can’t wait to get to work helping more than 5,000 Nevada families affected by it. However, when pressed, she was unable to provide details on a plan to do that.

[snip]

“There are a lot of wasteful expenditures in the federal (government),” Palin said. “Let’s get rid of those and put them into strengthening NIH (National Institutes of Health) and these other areas where we can help our kids with autism.”

Palin did not name any specific expenditure she wanted to cut in favor of funding for autism research or services, nor did she name what specific programs she’d like to fund in order to help those families.

Sarah Palin walking the walk: epic fucking fail.

Shelby Sheehan perpetrating journalism upon her: priceless.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Kula2316 at Daily Kos, who also found the best quote o’ the day: “Widespread antagonism toward Obama in mid August gave way in September to overwhelming horror over McCain picking Palin as his vice presidential nominee.” I’m sure I have no idea why undecided voters in Florida would feel that way. Heh.)

Sarah Palin’s Fuckwittery Knows No Bounds

I know, I know. I’m not telling you anything new. But there’s fuckwittery, and then there’s scummy fuckwittery, and then there’s this kind of fuckwittery:

The Alaska governor told Ingraham’s listeners that if those questions were being answered, voters would find Obama “out of the mainstream,” adding that the Illinois senator would diminish “the prestige of the United States presidency.”

Sarah? Do you really want to talk about “diminish[ing] the prestige of the United States presidency”? I mean, do you really want to bring this up? Cuz we could go there, but I don’t think you’d like the view.

Just sayin’.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Jackbauer8393 at Daily Kos)