The Things I Learn Watching Teevee

I’ve got NatGeo’s Inside Kung Fu Secrets playing in the background, and I’m wincing. You all get to wince, too.

Did you know there’s such a thing as “Iron Crotch Kung Fu“? I wish I didn’t.

Last year in late October, an unbelievable qigong stunt caught the world’s attention. Three men dragged a truck loaded with 100 passengers a meter across a Taipei parking lot. While towing a meter isn’t very far (even with a 10-ton load) the size didn’t matter as much as the method. They pulled it with their penises. That’s right – read that again if you must – three men hauled 10 tons of truck and passengers by roping their penises to the truck fender and pulling backwards. These men practice the most forbidden qigong kungfu of all – they train their genitals.

[snip]

Master Tu has another extraordinary stunt in the works. He is in the process of getting clearance from the Taiwanese government to borrow a 747 jet airplane. Tu figures 20 to 24 of his top students, by strapping their penises, 6 to 8 men per wheel, can generate combined penis pulling power to move the 18,000-kilogram (39,780 lbs!) 747. That’s over a ton and a half per penis.

People are weird.