Faux News Megafail

Read.  Marvel.  Weep.

Just how desperate to find a story–and a controversy–do you have to be to believe this is real:

Anchors at the Fox News national morning news show “Fox and Friends” reported Tuesday that the city of Los Angeles had ordered 10,000 jetpacks for its police and fire departments. The price tag: a whopping $100,000 per unit.

Yes, jet packs. Thousands of them. Maybe that should have set off warning bells. Well, actually it did, but this being Fox News, well… (italics mine):

For those doing the math at home, the cash-strapped city of Los Angeles, which is regularly sending its police detectives home because it can’t pay all their overtime, allegedly shelled out a billion dollars on space-age transportation that it has never used in an emergency situation, much less tested.

“We certainly haven’t bought any jetpacks,” said LAPD Chief Charlie Beck. “We haven’t bought [squad] cars for two years.”

As Gawker.com was the first to note, the “Fox and Friends” report appeared to contain material taken right out of a story from the Weekly World News tabloid, which bills itself as “The World’s Only Reliable New Source.”

Look.  I know the tabloids were right that one time when they broke the story of John Edwards’s love child.  But that was the Enquirer, which is attempting some respectability (perhaps trying to fill a sucking void of respectability left in journalism when Faux News started broadcasting), whereas the Weekly World News is the same as it ever was – a rag full of made-up shit that only complete fucking morons believe is true. Shit, I’ll bet you cash money you could present it to a classroom full of special needs kids and a good majority of ’em would know it’s complete bullshit. 

The problem is this: Faux News fucktards likely don’t watch Mythbusters because they believe it’s a librul conspiracy, and we know they think science is a bunch of left-wing hooey (except the science they agree with, of course), so they probably aren’t aware that we aren’t yet living la vida Jetsons.  They’re easy marks for anyone who wants to sell them a guvmint waste line.  And, apparently, any rag that claims Hillary Clinton’s adopted an alien baby rates high on their truthiness scale.

There’s something that the folks who do the ratings need to keep in mind, here: yes, Faux News has high ratings.  That’s because a handful of very insanely stupid viewers believe every word they say, and because a large number of people tune in because they can’t believe what the fucktards just said and keep watching to see what shit-for-brains dumbfuckery gets spouted next.

It’s really too bad Faux News is televised, not printed on pulp.  But I suppose it’s just a bit too stupid to be called tabloid journalism.  At least the tabloids understand they’re reporting made-up shit.  The same, alas, is not true for the gullible goobs at Faux.

Palin Becomes a Parody of Herself

Okay, okay, even more of a parody of herself.

And I didn’t even believe it.  I couldn’t believe it.  I mean, Sarah Palin’s a ginormous fucking fool, one of the most unintelligent people in the known universe, but I thought she had a tiny spark of intelligence there somewhere.  I mean, at least enough to be able to memorize basic talking points and spit them back out. 

I stand corrected:

Tonight, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin spoke to the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN, an event that was ditched by other high-profile Republicans who disliked its for-profit model. After her speech, organizer Judson Phillips asked Palin several questions. One of them was about what needs to be done when there is a “conservative House and a conservative Senate.” Palin jumped right in and said, “We’ve got to rein in the spending, obviously.” However, she then seemed to forget her next talking point and glanced down at her left hand, as if there were notes she had scribbled down. She went on to talk about “energy projects.” 

Crib notes.  On her fucking hand.  I ask you.

When I saw the story on Think Progress, I admit I was skeptical.  This had to be some sort of joke perpetrated by some left-wing wag.  No politicians with national stature, former vice presidential candidates no less, have to have talking points scribbled on their hands.

So I went to the HuffPo link, and found this photo:

I’m not the world’s expert on doctored photos, so I have to go by plausibility.  And this wasn’t plausible.  I didn’t think I’d be able to track down the original wire service photo, and even if I had, well, reporters have gotten up to hijinks chasing a story before.  So I decided I’d have to go into the lion’s den in my search for evidence.

That’s right.  I searched for video posted by a right-wing site.  And no shit, there it was, clear as day:

Click to enlarge, and note the fact that she does, indeed, have shit scribbled on her hand.  I nearly damaged myself laughing.  I hope you all didn’t need a trip to the ER.

Yesterday, Greg Sargent said, “Palin is set to take only pre-screened questions at today’s Tea Party (though it’s unclear if she’s seen them). She can’t face spontaneous questions even from Tea Partiers?”  Apparently, we have our answer.

Here’s the takeaway:

The takeaway is that this presidential contender apparently can’t remember her supposed core principles and needs a cheat-sheet when simply asked about her beliefs.

“Sad” and “pathetic” just don’t even seem to cover it.

I’m left with two distinct possibilities.  Either Sarah Palin’s one of the dumbest Cons ever to hit the national stage, or she’s a liberal operative working under deep cover on a mission to destabilize and destroy the right from within.  One almost hopes for the latter, simply because seeing a woman this fucking stupid attempt to answer basic questions from a friendly audience and fail so epically is a horrifying experience.  It makes me feel ashamed to be a female.  And it gives me the serious willies, thinking this motherfucking idiot may have been next in line for the Presidency.

But this shit’s still hilarious.

What’s Life Without a Little FAIL?

Haven’t had much time for FAIL Blog lately, but I managed to snag a bit while cooking.  I’ve missed some gems.

Here’s one a dear friend of mine would get a good laugh out of:

And one of those “I don’t want to know what the fuck they were thinking” moments:

Ditto:

And ZOMG:

Wow.  Just… Wow:

And what would any FAIL day be without delusions of grandeur?

I feel better about myself now.