To the Asshole Who Couldn’t Be Bothered to Douse a Campfire

You deserve to be tied to one of the Ponderosa pines in the path of your fire.

My stepmother forwarded me some photos taken of the Schultz Fire.  It’s horrific.

This is the area where the fire reportedly started.  It used to look like this before some fucktard decided he or she didn’t need to extinguish a campfire in dry country:

This is what it will look like now:

Nature's Devastation/Aftermath of a Forest Fire

Wayne Ranney has a lot more shots of the fire at Earthly Musings, including a sequence that shows just how incredibly fast these fires blow up in Arizona.  The motherfucker who caused this apparently didn’t stop to think about that, even though summer after summer, some other motherfucker’s managed to demonstrate the principles of super-dry pine trees + sparks + strong hot summer winds = armageddon.  And for those who believe good Mother Nature will heal all wounds, consider how fucking long it takes to heal on steep slopes in dry country.  Here’s Mt. Elden, which suffered a horrific fire in 1977 that nearly took out Flagstaff:

Its scars are still clearly visible today:

Over thirty years, and you’d think it happened yesterday:

That was another campfire started by a dumbshit, in this case a runaway girl.  Not that age is an excuse anymore.  When I was in elementary school, they showed us the burn site, showed us a film of the fire, and explained just how fucking important it is to stamp out every little spark.  They even told us to crush our smokes, just in case any of us had started smoking at the tender age of 5.  But hey, maybe it’s different now.  Maybe the AZ Cons decided we don’t need no stinking librul fire-safety education, and little kiddies aren’t taught how to avoid burning the forest down anymore.  Maybe the fucktard who left a campfire burning in a tinder-dry wilderness never learned not to play with matches, or never to turn their back on a fire until it’s cold and dead.  Maybe the dumbshit didn’t have a fucking television and lived locked in a dark, windowless room where they couldn’t see the forest burn year after year because of other stupid fucktards.  Maybe there’s some kind of excuse.

Or maybe there’s just someone who needs to learn that when you play with fire, it’s not just the forest that gets burned.  I hope the little shit ends up in prison.

Utah Can’t be Serious

I saw this over the weekend, and meant to highlight it, but then there was the Telepalmer incident and afterward my characters dragged me away.  But as far as outrageously fucking insane stupid shit pulled by legislators, you can’t get much more outrageously fucking insane as the Utah House:

On Thursday, the Utah House Natural Resources Committee passed a resolution expressing the legislature’s belief that “climate alarmists’ carbon dioxide-related global warming hypothesis is unable to account for the current downturn in global temperatures.” The resolution, which now goes to the full House for a vote, urges the EPA to not regulate pollution blamed for climate change “until a full and independent investigation of the climate data conspiracy and global warming science can be substantiated.” When some members of the committee questioned the “conspiracy” wording as “pretty inflammatory,” Rep. Mike Noel (R) claimed that climate change is “in fact a conspiracy to limit population not only in this country but across the globe”…

I’m struggling to describe just how seriously fucking insane this shit is.  I don’t think we can call these people unhinged – they don’t appear to have ever been hinged to begin with.  My own dear mother was more coherent back before she got diagnosed and treated for her bipolar disorder, and the toaster was telling her that people were going to come take her away.  I mean, at least the toaster was right.*

And then we had the raving bunch of nitwits who were oh, so delighted by D.C. getting snowed in, and continue to crow that it means global warming isn’t happening.  Listen: you may be playing dumbfuck games in the snow.  Out here in Seattle, we’re experiencing one of the warmest winters in memory.  Haven’t seen so much as a flake of snow.  And we’re going to have some seriously fucked frogs if things return to normal, because they’ve gotten all excited and think it’s late March.  Here’s how global warming works, you fucktards:

In reality, winter snows do not invalidate the reality that the planet just experienced the hottest decade on record. Scientists have been warning for decades that global warming would increase the severity of winter storms. 
This past January was the warmest January on record for the planet. And as National Wildlife Federation climate scientist Amanda Staudt notes, winter storms are getting fiercer even as the season gets warmer. “The last few years have brought several unusually heavy snowstorms as warmer and moister air over southern states has penetrated further north, colliding with bitter cold air masses,” she explains.

But that’s probably too sciency for these fucktards.  So, here’s some helpful analogies for the terminally hard-of-thinking:

You visit the casino every month for a year.  You lose $5,000 in January, February, March, April, May, June, and July, then win a $5,000 jackpot in August, lose $5,000 in September, October, and November, then win a $20,000 jackpot in December.  You’ve still lost $25,000 fucking dollars, and on average, you are a fucking loser.  Just because you win big a couple of times doesn’t mean you’re beating the fucking house.

Or, try this: you spend January, February, March, April, May, June and July in a drunken stupor.  In August, you get thrown in jail for public indecency with a farm animal.  Then when you get out in September, you spend the next three months in a drunken stupor before spending two weeks in December sober because you got hospitalized for falling down the stairs while drunk, after which you are released and spend the final week in December guzzling down liquor.  Yes, you had six weeks of sobriety, but you’re still a fucking alcoholic.

Understand?  No?  Sigh.  Well, some people do get beaten to death by the stupid stick at birth, and there’s just not that much we can do about it.  But shame on the shitheels who do know better, and play this “it’s snowing so it can’t be global warming!” game so that their polluter buddies can go on polluting, and so that they can get votes from the reality-oblivious.

Let me just say one last thing, and it’s to those who, like Inhofe’s press secretary, think their own dumbshit “jokes” are funny.  Let me tell you something: it’s not a fucking joke.  Especially not for those whose nations are literally vanishing beneath rising seas.

We could do with a lot less crazy, a lot less “joking,” and a fuck of a lot more legislators actually acting like responsible adults.

*For those of you worried I’m disrespecting me mudder, she laughs hardest at that joke.  She’s not afraid to have fun at the expense of the bad old days.

Global Warming Dumbfuckery Abounds

My darlings, I have the solution to our energy woes.  We can stop global warming in its tracks by tapping into a source of infinitely renewable energy.  All we have to do is tap into the endless dumbfuckery of the global warming deniers.  We can heat our homes with their fevered imaginations.  We can run our industries on with the dynamos of their denial.  We could recharge our electric cars by holding memos and emails just out of their reach on treadmills.  We’ll never need oil, gas or coal again.

They’re so fucking desperate they’ve turned to a life of crime in a pathetic attempt to discredit the science:

Burglars and hackers have attacked the Canadian Centre for Climate Modelling and Analysis at the University of Victoria in British Columbia, apparently in an attempt to further the “Climategate” intimidation of global warming researchers. The Climategate smear campaign rests on the release of thousands of emails illegally hacked last month from the British Climatic Research Unit (CRU). The National Post reports that the Centre for Climate Modelling, a government institution, is also the victim of repeated criminal attacks:

Andrew Weaver, a University of Victoria scientist and key contributor to the Nobel prize-winning work of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, says there have been a number of attempted breaches in recent months, including two successful break-ins at his campus office in which a dead computer was stolen and papers were rummaged through.

As the United States — led by President Barack Obama — prepares to join the world in the fight against global warming, the opponents of reform are resorting to criminal desperation, harkening back to the amoral extremes of Richard Nixon.

Oh, yes.  That certainly adds to their credibility.  That puts them right up there with ALF and murderers of abortion doctors as fighters for truth, justice, and the American way.

But just in case their thefts don’t destroy the science, in case all they can find is evidence for global warming as they rummage through scientists’ effects, they’ve got a backup plan:

“Biased thermometers” are to blame for scientific data documenting a precipitous rise in global temperatures, according to Marc Morano.

Morano was Rush Limbaugh’s former producer and a columnist at the rightwing “news” site, Cybercast News Service, before becoming denialist-extraordinaire Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK)’s top aide on the U.S. Senate Committee on Environmental and Public Works. In 2003, Inhofe described global warming as “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people,” a statement which he stills stands by today.

Morano now runs the climate denialist website and is, essentially, the very heart of the entire climate change denialist echosphere.


Here’s the too-short debate between Morano and Balog, as hosted by CNN’s Rick Sanchez, where Morano argues that the earth is actually cooling, despite scientific evidence — based on “biased thermometers,” as Morano argues, “placed near air conditioner outlets, near asphalt” — showing this decade to be the warmest on record. We’ll leave it to you to decide whose got their facts straight, the science photographer or Rush Limbaugh’s former producer:


Wow.  “Biased thermometers.”  That’s novel.  And I suppose the “biased thermometers” are causing the melting of the Arctic sea ice, the drastic loss of Antarctic ice sheets, retreating glaciers, forest fires, droughts, and rising sea levels, because the earth’s just that gullible.  It’s all a psychosomatic effect.  Brilliant!

But “biased thermometer” man and the happy gang of smash-and-grab goobers aren’t the only ones fighting the science of global warming.  Billionaire right-wing fucktard David Koch is pouring tons of cash into the fight:

In an op-ed in the Boston Globe yesterday, I observed that Koch has manufactured a positive image for himself by giving to laudable causes, while at the same time, quietly “funneling tens of millions of dollars to more subterranean efforts that reflect his conservative politics.” Despite his funding of the Smithsonian, Koch has done more to politicize and and undermine the public’s understanding of science than any other single person. Koch has funded the leading groups dedicated to spreading skepticism of climate change:

– Koch’s Americans for Prosperity, the right-wing tea party group which Koch founded in 1984 and continues to finance, has just announced that it will send a team of political operatives to Copenhagen for the United Nations Climate Change Conference. AFP intends to hold a press conference to attack any climate change solution the President promises as a mistake that will “kill jobs here” and “infringe on our personal and national freedoms.”

– Koch has funded the Competitive Enterprise Institute, which has been the most aggressive conservative front group heralding hacked e-mails as proof that climate change does not exist.

– Koch funds the “Hot Air Tour,” a campaign led by lobbyists stopping in cities across the country to call into question the science underpinning climate change. The tour also features an actual hot air balloon to illustrate their beleif that climate change science is just “hot air.”

The National Academy of Sciences, the US Global Change Research Program, and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change have all come to the same conclusion: “that carbon dioxide emissions from fossil fuel use and the loss of carbon-sink capacity in heavily timbered forests are increasing temperatures and making oceans more acidic.” David Koch’s Koch Industries derives much of its profit from its oil refineries, one of the major emitters of carbon dioxide, and from its George-Pacific timber subsidiary, one of the largest contributors to the loss of carbon-sink capacity.

And if you thought Bush’s gang of nitwits were done fucking the country over when Obama took over the White House, think again.

Why are they all so frantic, you may ask?  Well, it could have something to do with the fact that world leaders are meeting in Copenhagen to hash out a game plan for dealing with the climate crisis.  And it could have something to do with the EPA’s stark findings:

As expected, the Environmental Protection Agency is poised to formally declare that greenhouse gases are a dangerous public-health hazard and must be regulated by the government. The “endangerment finding” is the result of a study ordered by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2007 on the effects of greenhouse gas pollution on human health and welfare.
Whether Congress approves a cap-and-trade measure or not, the conclusion raises the specter of combating global warming through the regulatory process of the Clean Air Act. As you may have heard, business groups, to put it mildly, aren’t fond of that idea.
Today’s EPA declaration should help crystallize the near-future for polluters: back cap and trade or the EPA won’t have much of a choice. It’s your call.

That’s why they know their only hope is to destroy the science.  Alas for them, there’s too much science.  And even if it weren’t for the science, we’re going to have a lot of Pacific Island nations underwater soon enough who will be happy to put a human face on the cost of global warming.

So, you may ask, what can you, as a person intelligent enough to realize we must do something about global warming, do?  Use your energies wisely.  And some genius inventor needs to get to work on that stupidity-to-energy conversion device.

"The Green Economy’s Coming! The Green Economy’s Coming!"

So says none other than Sen. Lindsey Graham:

Extensive coverage has been devoted to the fact that Lindsey Graham’s split on global warming and other issues highlights a rift in the Republican Party. While that’s true, another more important development has not been pursued: Graham’s departure from right-wing orthodoxy highlights the potential for conservative Democrats to follow in his footsteps.
Many conservative Democrats have questioned President Obama’s clean energy agenda. Now, a Republican is breaking with his party to talk sense. In a press conference yesterday with Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), the author of the Clean Energy Jobs and American Power Act, and Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), Graham rebuked senators unwilling to address carbon pollution. Saying that he has “seen the effects of a warming planet,” Graham called for the United States to “lead the world rather than follow the world on carbon pollution”:

The green economy is coming. We can either follow or lead. And those countries who follow will pay a price. Those nations who lead in creating the new green economy for the world will make money.

And that green economy’s coming despite the best efforts of bleedin’ buffoons to boycott it:

A major climate change bill passed out of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee amid a Republican boycott this morning, setting the stage for other panels to amend the legislation. The final vote was 11-1. Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT)–whose Senate Finance Committee probably have its own crack at the bill–was the lone hold out. No Republicans showed up to vote.
Baucus says he wants near-term emissions targets softened, and to prevent the Environmental Protection Agency from stepping in to regulate carbon emissions on its own, pursuant to a 2007 Supreme Court ruling.
After the vote, ranking member James Inhofe (R-OK) appeared on Fox News and, in predictable fashion, lambasted the legislation, calling the committee’s actions “unprecedented.” He also claimed that the bill is “dead.”

Dunno ’bout that.  It’s looking pretty lively to me.

Everybody got their green-collar shirts ready?  It should only take until, oh, say, late 2010, early 2011, to overcome Conservadem and Con foot-dragging, tantrum-throwing, and Teabag-army-leading hysterics.

Happy He Lost

You know, I love stories like this:

Former cattle rancher, Wyoming governor, and US Senator Cliff Hanson, was one of the leading voices against the expansion of Grand Teton National Park in the 1940s. In the mid-1960s, at a luncheon in New York, he said:
I fought against the establishment of the Grand Teton National Park as hard as I could and I lost and I want you all to know that I’m glad I lost, because I now know I was wrong. Grand Teton National Park is one of the greatest natural heritages of Wyoming and the nation and one of our great assets.

I’d love to hear some of today’s opponents of health care reform say the same kind of thing in twenty years.

So would I. But I somehow doubt today’s Cons have his wit or class.

The Forgery Fuckery of Not-So-Clean Coal

Well, my goodness me, whoever would’ve guessed that “clean” coal wouldn’t come clean about forgery perpetrated for their cause?

The top coal lobbying coalition in Washington, D.C. hid its knowledge of “fraudulent grassroots lobbying” while Congress voted against clean energy legislation on June 26, 2009. A background document from the American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity (ACCCE) reveals that it learned two days before the vote on Waxman-Markey that Bonner & Associates had sent a dozen forged letters opposing the American Clean Energy and Security Act to at least three members of the House of Representatives:

Due to reported misconduct by a Bonner and Associates employee (who the firm states was subsequently fired), it appears that a total of twelve falsified letters were sent by that firm to the offices of Congresswoman Kathy Dahlkemper, Congressman Christopher Carney and Congressman Tom Perriello.

Based upon information ACCCE received from the Hawthorn Group, it was Bonner and Associates’ own internal process that identified these falsified letters and it was Mr. Bonner who first brought this to the attention of the Hawthorn Group. ACCCE was then made aware of the situation by Hawthorn on June 24, 2009.

Two of the three members targeted by ACCCE — Rep. Kathy Dahlkemper (D-PA) and Rep. Chris Carney (D-PA) — voted against the bill on June 26th. However, despite its knowledge of this potentially criminal fraud, ACCCE said nothing until Rep. Perriello’s hometown paper, the Charlottesville Daily Progress, broke the story more than a month later on July 31st.

I am shocked, I tell you, shocked.

Who would’ve expected such cowardice from a front group that only has Appalachia’s best interests at heart?

The coal industry front group embroiled in an Astroturf scandal is now arguing that mountaintop removal coal mining helps communities “hampered because of a lack of flat space.”

See how caring they are? It wasn’t about raw, nekkid exploitation and environmental devastation, after all! So I’m sure they have a really good explanation as to why they kept their mouths shut on the forgeries.

Let’s hear it, ACCCE!

Arizona’s Stupidest State Senator

Via PZ comes news of the latest Arizona politician to make an utter ass of his/herself:

Arizona State Senator Sylvia Allen (R-Snowflake), arguing in favor of a bill to allow uranium mining north of the Grand Canyon, casually says that the earth is 6,000 years old, and therefore a little uranium mining isn’t going to hurt anything.


Outside of this fuckwit insisting (not once, but twice, in the course of 40 seconds) that the Earth is only 6,000 years old, I think my favorite part was when she said of the uranium mine, “and you’ll never even know the mine was there when they’re done.”

You want to take this:

And replace it with this:

Midnite Mine
An otherwise scenic view is scarred by the remains of uranium mining.

By Elly Hale, EPA
Midnite Mine
Wellpinit, Washington

And tell me we’ll “never even know the mine was there when they’re done”? Really? Because, you see, the research I found on uranium mining in the Grand Canyon area begs to differ.

Ms. Allen, you are a dumbshit. I’m ashamed my beautiful home state contains a state senator as stupid as you, and I do hope your district wakes the fuck up and cleans up that blight ASAP.

No Wonder There’s Global Warming

Shorter Joe Barton: Coke has carbon dioxide in it. Polar bears drink Coke. Therefore, carbon dioxide isn’t dangerous. Whee!

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe Joe Barton wants to win the Most Fucktarded Congressman of the Year award:

Yesterday, the House Energy and Commerce Committee began its markup of the American Clean Energy and Security Act. The work is expected to continue through the week, as Republicans plan to stall movement on the bill by offering more than 400 amendments.

Discussing the bill on C-Span’s Washington Journal this morning, Rep. “Smokey Joe” Barton (R-TX) defended his head-in-the-sand approach to climate change by fundamentally misunderstanding the science, misstating the reality of carbon dioxide emissions, and mocking fuel-efficient cars. Some highlights:

– “I would also point out that CO2, carbon dioxide, is not a pollutant in any normal definition of the term. … I am creating it as I talk to you. It’s in your Coca-Cola, you’re Dr. Pepper, your Perrier water. It is necessary for human life. It is odorless, colorless, tasteless, does not cause cancer, does not cause asthma.”

– “And something that the Democrat sponsors do not point out, a lot of the CO2 that is created in the United States is naturally created. You can’t regulate God. Not even the Democratic majority in the US Congress can regulate God.”

I’m at a loss for words. All I can say is, with reps like this, it’s no wonder we’ve got global warming problems. The burning stupidity alone is enough to raise the Earth’s temperature by at least 1° C.

Glenn Beck’s Contribution to Global Warming

I hope scientific studies demonstrate Beck’s a source of global warming pollution. It would be fun to see him shut down as an environmental hazard:

On his Fox News show today, comedian Glenn Beck interviewed Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY) to mock the danger of global warming. In what he billed as an “Inconvenient Segment,” Beck argued that a “smoking gun” memo proves that the proposed Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) finding on the threat of global warming pollution is based on politics instead of science.

“It turns out, the truth that’s inconvenient is that it’s not like any of this stuff is based on, you know, science. It’s all politics,” Beck said of the danger of carbon pollution. He concluded:

By the way, just so you know, this show has won so many science awards, sometimes we get talking about high-falutin science things like this, and people are like, “What are you talkin’ about?” So let me break it down. Carbon dioxide is basically this. (Exhales.) Look at how much pollution I just put out.

Unless you eat fossil fuels, spewing hot air from one’s mouth is not a major source for pollution…except for Glenn Beck.