I was going to do up a little post on the United Methodist Church’s ridiculous little “Rethink Church” campaign, but that merely reeks of desperation, and while it warms my heart to see churches begging, bribing and beseeching people to attend, it’s just not funny enough to poke fun at. Besides, the Methodists aren’t as odious as some. I’d like to see low attendance force, say, the leaders of the Southern Baptists or the Catholic Church to start desperate little ad campaigns trying to prove they’re hip, with it, and have an actual conscience.
So no, that wasn’t spit-take worthy idiocy. This, on the other hand, is:
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c|
|Moment of Zen – Iceland Is Too Cold for Volcanoes|
That’s a remarkable amount of ignorance to pack into 15 seconds, and it takes a truly shameless ignoramus to proudly spew it all over a television audience not made up solely of Faux News viewers.
Rick, allow me to attempt a bit of education. Not sure I have the strength to pound it into a skull this thick, but I shall try.
One, volcanoes are places where molten fucking rock from the earth’s interior comes to the surface. You see, the interior of the earth is very, very hot. Observe:
And where do volcanoes come from? Why, the inside of the earth, where it’s thousands of degrees Fahrenheit!
Wow, that’s hot!
Volcanoes erupt something called magma, which is, in fact, molten fucking rock. It is about 1,300 to 2400 degrees Fahrenheit. Shall we compare it to a summer’s day? At the lower end of the scale, it’s at least 1,200 degrees hotter. And the melting temperature of ice is (drumroll please) 33 degrees Fahrenheit. Ergo, volcanoes can melt ice.
Additionally, the lowest temperature ever recorded on Iceland was -39 degrees Fahrenheit. Ergo, volcanoes can melt Iceland. For a demonstration of principles, Rick, why don’t you take a blowtorch to an ice cube. On second thought, have someone else take a blowtorch to an ice cube. I don’t think you should be personally handling anything more dangerous than a safety pin.
But my second point, and the most important one, is this: Iceland is famous for being the only place on earth where you can see the Mid-Atlantic Ridge at the surface, you stupid shit. You know, the Mid-Atlantic Ridge, where all the fucking volcanic activity happens? And the reason we can see the fucking Mid-Atlantic Ridge splitting an island apart is because Iceland’s also on a hot spot, just like Hawaii. The island was built by volcanoes, is still in the process of being built by volcanoes, and is fucking known for volcanoes, you dumbfuck. Iceland’s among the first to have harnessed volcanoes for geothermal energy production. Haven’t you ever seen images like these?
And what, did you sleep through Surtsey?
Look, I know ignorance is supposed to be bliss, and if that’s the case you must be fucking ecstatic, but please, indulge in the privacy of your own home, all right?