The Way to My Cat’s Heart

Definitely through her tummy.

I awoke this morning to pitiful little meows, and then she jumped into bed and cuddled very close, purring as loudly as she could manage.  She usually wants nothing do to with me until I’m trying to do something else.  “Bet her food bowl’s empty,” thought I as I drifted back to sleep with my face buried in fur.

I was so right.

The affection she shows her mommy directly correlates to her needs at the time.  If she’s hungry or cold, I’m the most awesomest hooman and she loves me to bits.  If all of her needs have already been met, I’m furniture.  Or a particularly entertaining chew toy.

Cats are amazing creatures.

I Just Got Bitten in the Ankle Because My Cat is a Klutz

I don’t really want to try to explain the mechanics of it.  But she misjudged the gap between one of the bits that supports the recliner and the open space between it and the seat, tripped, and caught herself on my ankle.  With her teeth.  It was one of the goofiest things I’ve ever seen her do.  She looked like a total dork.

Once she got her legs extracted from the gap they’d fallen through, she changed her mind about climbing into my lap and is now busy over on the loveseat pretending absolutely nothing ever happened.  It was that other cat.

So much for legendary feline grace, eh?

Hey, Heffer! Ask Me What Time It Is

True fans of Rocko’s Modern Life will understand the title of this post.

So, I’ve been continually bothered by the knowledge that, someday eventually soon, I’d have to figure out what time it is on Athesea.  The problem with writing in a mechanism for nearly-instantaneous travel between worlds is that you know some clever bugger reading the book will create elaborate time tables and then ask you to explain the contradictions.  And I couldn’t find a damned widget that would allow you to plug in a few values for rotational period, orbit stuff, etc. and automatically calculate what the sun’s doing in Tarmahn in relation to Seattle at any one particular moment.

Thus, I spent the scant time in between calls at work today playing with spreadsheets.  I still haven’t got seasons and so forth worked out, but I can tell you what time it is on Athesea.  Lessee.  It is nearly 10pm Seattle time, Saturday.  Call it 9, because I calculated this shite on Daylight Savings Time.  Soooo, in Tarmahn it is (drumroll please) around noonish.*

This may not look like an enormous triumph, but it is.  Indubitably.  And it took me way too fucking long to figure out something perfectly simple.  Not a numbers-or-math person, y’see.  It wasn’t until I had the color-code brainwave that I was able to get it all straight in my head.  Thankee software geniuses for spreadsheets with fill color options.

Now I’m off to fiddle with all those times I’m sure I fucked up when writing with no fucking idea what time it was in Tarmahn…

*I reserve the right to change my mind about that.  Just so’s you know.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

There is some dumbfuckery words cannot excoriate.  It is so outrageously, egregiously, overwhelmingly stupid, our language cannot cope.  Luckily, PZ took a stab at it so I don’t have to.  Let me just advise the South Dakota House of Representatives of one thing: if you are so scientifically illiterate that you cannot ascertain the difference between astronomy, which is science, and astrology, which is absolute fucking woo, you have no business trying to legislate what students do and do not learn about any branch of science whatsoever.  Go back and get a fucking education (but, apparently, not in South Dakota).  And while you’re at it, learn to understand and appreciate the difference between affect and effect.

Not much we can follow that up with, but this is a pretty awesome example of those great old Con family values:

Meet newly minted Rep. Daniel Stout.
His campaign Web site touts his conservative, pro-family bona fides. “I believe Paulding County wants someone who will stand strong for the conservative principles we’ve always believed in … lower taxes, limited government, personal responsibility, and valuing Life from the womb until natural death,” he says. 
But, as the writer Tom Crawford of Capitol Impact noted this week, Stout “has been compelled to address a personal incident from 10 years ago: he had an affair with his first wife’s mother while his first wife was pregnant with their daughter. Stout and his first wife subsequently divorced.”

No shit, huh?

I look forward with breathless anticipation to the day when Mr. Stout explains to us all why marriage is a sacred institution between a man, a woman, and his woman’s mother.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Heh.  The Silence of the Lame:

The case of Najibullah Zazi continues to be under-appreciated victory for the United States. A deadly attack was thwarted; intelligence was collected; and justice was served. No torture, no military commissions, no need to stray from the legal process. The legal system was followed to the letter, and it worked beautifully.

The Republicans who most vociferously blasted the Obama Administration for putting the attempted Christmas bombing suspect through the criminal justice system have apparently been silent on another high-profile terrorism case making its way through the civilian system. […]

Given the GOP outrage over the administration’s decision to charge attempted Christmas bomber Umar Abdulmutallab in criminal court, one might have expected a flurry of Republican press releases and TV appearance this week over the handling of the Zazi case.
But the press releases never came, and the TV appearances were never scheduled.

On the Hill, the usual suspects of hysterical conservatives — Kit Bond, Pete Hoekstra, Pete King — haven’t said a word. And what about their media allies? Even when Zazi’s guilty plea became a major development, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, and Sean Hannity literally didn’t say a word about the guilty plea of a man who would have killed innocent Americans in a terrorist attack in New York City.

You know, I’m disappointed.  I really am.  I expected these fucktards to raise a huge fuss.  Since they couldn’t attack with half-truths, I thought they’d come up with some nice outrageous lies we could all amuse ourselves with.  But no.  They can’t even be bothered to get creative.  And I can’t believe that’s because they’ve suddenly realized lying is wrong.  No, I think they’ve just had one of those moments where their powers of fabrication have abandoned them.  Call it liar’s block.

I’m sure it’s a temporary condition.  I fully expect we’ll soon hear all about how the Obama administration’s handling of Zazi threatens to bring about the end of civilization as we know it, lets the terrorists win, will get us all killed in our beds, etc. etc. Peter Cetera etc.

I expect nothing less from our ridiculous right.