The Way to My Cat’s Heart

Definitely through her tummy.

I awoke this morning to pitiful little meows, and then she jumped into bed and cuddled very close, purring as loudly as she could manage.  She usually wants nothing do to with me until I’m trying to do something else.  “Bet her food bowl’s empty,” thought I as I drifted back to sleep with my face buried in fur.

I was so right.

The affection she shows her mommy directly correlates to her needs at the time.  If she’s hungry or cold, I’m the most awesomest hooman and she loves me to bits.  If all of her needs have already been met, I’m furniture.  Or a particularly entertaining chew toy.

Cats are amazing creatures.

I Just Got Bitten in the Ankle Because My Cat is a Klutz

I don’t really want to try to explain the mechanics of it.  But she misjudged the gap between one of the bits that supports the recliner and the open space between it and the seat, tripped, and caught herself on my ankle.  With her teeth.  It was one of the goofiest things I’ve ever seen her do.  She looked like a total dork.

Once she got her legs extracted from the gap they’d fallen through, she changed her mind about climbing into my lap and is now busy over on the loveseat pretending absolutely nothing ever happened.  It was that other cat.

So much for legendary feline grace, eh?

Hey, Heffer! Ask Me What Time It Is

True fans of Rocko’s Modern Life will understand the title of this post.

So, I’ve been continually bothered by the knowledge that, someday eventually soon, I’d have to figure out what time it is on Athesea.  The problem with writing in a mechanism for nearly-instantaneous travel between worlds is that you know some clever bugger reading the book will create elaborate time tables and then ask you to explain the contradictions.  And I couldn’t find a damned widget that would allow you to plug in a few values for rotational period, orbit stuff, etc. and automatically calculate what the sun’s doing in Tarmahn in relation to Seattle at any one particular moment.

Thus, I spent the scant time in between calls at work today playing with spreadsheets.  I still haven’t got seasons and so forth worked out, but I can tell you what time it is on Athesea.  Lessee.  It is nearly 10pm Seattle time, Saturday.  Call it 9, because I calculated this shite on Daylight Savings Time.  Soooo, in Tarmahn it is (drumroll please) around noonish.*

This may not look like an enormous triumph, but it is.  Indubitably.  And it took me way too fucking long to figure out something perfectly simple.  Not a numbers-or-math person, y’see.  It wasn’t until I had the color-code brainwave that I was able to get it all straight in my head.  Thankee software geniuses for spreadsheets with fill color options.

Now I’m off to fiddle with all those times I’m sure I fucked up when writing with no fucking idea what time it was in Tarmahn…

*I reserve the right to change my mind about that.  Just so’s you know.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

There is some dumbfuckery words cannot excoriate.  It is so outrageously, egregiously, overwhelmingly stupid, our language cannot cope.  Luckily, PZ took a stab at it so I don’t have to.  Let me just advise the South Dakota House of Representatives of one thing: if you are so scientifically illiterate that you cannot ascertain the difference between astronomy, which is science, and astrology, which is absolute fucking woo, you have no business trying to legislate what students do and do not learn about any branch of science whatsoever.  Go back and get a fucking education (but, apparently, not in South Dakota).  And while you’re at it, learn to understand and appreciate the difference between affect and effect.

Not much we can follow that up with, but this is a pretty awesome example of those great old Con family values:

Meet newly minted Rep. Daniel Stout.
His campaign Web site touts his conservative, pro-family bona fides. “I believe Paulding County wants someone who will stand strong for the conservative principles we’ve always believed in … lower taxes, limited government, personal responsibility, and valuing Life from the womb until natural death,” he says. 
But, as the writer Tom Crawford of Capitol Impact noted this week, Stout “has been compelled to address a personal incident from 10 years ago: he had an affair with his first wife’s mother while his first wife was pregnant with their daughter. Stout and his first wife subsequently divorced.”

No shit, huh?

I look forward with breathless anticipation to the day when Mr. Stout explains to us all why marriage is a sacred institution between a man, a woman, and his woman’s mother.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Heh.  The Silence of the Lame:

The case of Najibullah Zazi continues to be under-appreciated victory for the United States. A deadly attack was thwarted; intelligence was collected; and justice was served. No torture, no military commissions, no need to stray from the legal process. The legal system was followed to the letter, and it worked beautifully.

The Republicans who most vociferously blasted the Obama Administration for putting the attempted Christmas bombing suspect through the criminal justice system have apparently been silent on another high-profile terrorism case making its way through the civilian system. […]

Given the GOP outrage over the administration’s decision to charge attempted Christmas bomber Umar Abdulmutallab in criminal court, one might have expected a flurry of Republican press releases and TV appearance this week over the handling of the Zazi case.
But the press releases never came, and the TV appearances were never scheduled.

On the Hill, the usual suspects of hysterical conservatives — Kit Bond, Pete Hoekstra, Pete King — haven’t said a word. And what about their media allies? Even when Zazi’s guilty plea became a major development, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, and Sean Hannity literally didn’t say a word about the guilty plea of a man who would have killed innocent Americans in a terrorist attack in New York City.

You know, I’m disappointed.  I really am.  I expected these fucktards to raise a huge fuss.  Since they couldn’t attack with half-truths, I thought they’d come up with some nice outrageous lies we could all amuse ourselves with.  But no.  They can’t even be bothered to get creative.  And I can’t believe that’s because they’ve suddenly realized lying is wrong.  No, I think they’ve just had one of those moments where their powers of fabrication have abandoned them.  Call it liar’s block.

I’m sure it’s a temporary condition.  I fully expect we’ll soon hear all about how the Obama administration’s handling of Zazi threatens to bring about the end of civilization as we know it, lets the terrorists win, will get us all killed in our beds, etc. etc. Peter Cetera etc.

I expect nothing less from our ridiculous right.

I Killded It

Killded it dead.  Second pen down, ten to go.

At this rate, the fact that planning for this particular magnum opus always seems to go better longhand rather than on the computer is going to get rather expensive in the writing utensils department…

Outrageous Bullshit Double-Header

The Muse knows I am fuming, and has graciously allowed me to post another post.

First, absorb this bit of reality and see if you’re steamed enough to power a freight train:

We learned a few years ago that the CIA had video documenting the interrogation of two Qaeda operatives who’d been subjected to “severe interrogation techniques,” but because of what the video showed, the agency destroyed the tapes. In effect, officials had evidence of a possible crime, so they eliminated it — which is itself a crime.
Within a few weeks of the revelations, Bush’s Justice Department appointed a prosecutor to lead a criminal investigation into the destruction of evidence.
What we didn’t know until today is that a far-right senator, Pat Roberts (R) of Kansas, acting his capacity as chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, was apparently made aware of the alleged crimes in a closed briefing in 2003, and raised no objections.

That’s right.  This fucktarded piece of shit has no problem with crimes being committed.  None.  No problem, cover it up.  And we’re not talking minor shit, we’re talking war crimes.

These people aren’t amoral so much as anti-moral. 

Meanwhile, John Yoo, he of the torture memos, has decided the Prez can use nukes any ol’ time he likes.  No limits on his power to destroy civilizations whatsoever.  Totally fine with the Constitution, despite the fact the Constitution’s all about the checks and balances, and despite the fact that Supreme Court precedent sez executive powers tain’t so unlimited.  Observe:

As far back as 1804, a unanimous Supreme Court held in Little v. Barreme that Congress has sweeping authority to limit the President’s actions in wartime. That case involved an Act of Congress authorizing vessels to seize cargo ships bound for French ports. After the President also authorized vessels to seize ships headed away from French ports, the Supreme Court held this authorization unconstitutional on the grounds that Congress’ decision to allow one kind of seizure implicitly forbade other kinds of seizure. More recently, in Hamdi v. Rumsfeld and Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, the Court held that the President does not have the power to unilaterally set military policy (in those cases with respect to detention); he must comply with statutory limits on his power. Taken together, these and other cases unquestionably establish that Congress has the power to tell the President “no,” and the President must listen.
John Yoo is a moral vacuum, but he is also a constitutional law professor at one of the nation’s top law schools and a former Supreme Court clerk. It is simply impossible that Yoo is not aware of Little, Hamdi and Hamdan, or that he does not understand what they say. So when John Yoo claims that the President is not bound by Congressional limits, he is not simply ignorant or misunderstanding the law. He is lying.

Indeed he is.  Lying about the law, and yet Berkeley believes he’s qualified to teach law.  I’ll never, ever, understand that one.

Bonus outrages: selling plates of pasta to save your life (thank you, broken health care industry!) and the Cons’ idea of a bipartisan dialogue on health care reform.  Maybe we should hold a pasta fundraiser to see if we can whip up enough cash to get these idiots some brains.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

I’m so glad the Muse let me visit TPM today.  I mean, there are just some things in life that one doesn’t like to miss, like this hilarious bit of supreme dumbfuckery:

One Missouri lawmaker has an idea of how to help the state’s bottom line – gamble a portion of Gov. Jay Nixon’s salary each month on lottery tickets.
The Missourian details a bill by state Rep. Mark Parkinson (R) that proposes deducting $2 from Nixon’s monthly paycheck to buy Powerball tickets.
Any potential winnings would be put in an account called “Governor Nixon’s Scratch-off, Match-off Fund,” according to the bill, which gets a hearing tomorrow.

This is an actual, supposedly serious proposal.  From a duly-elected lawmaker.  Just sit back and savor this for a moment: a state’s budget is in the toilet, and the best the Con in their Congress can come up with is “Hey, maybe we should gamble!”

This fucktard literally wants to bet the state can win the lottery and make all of their problems magically disappear.

Don’t raise taxes, or fees, or find any other way to increase revenues.  Don’t find ways to trim the budget without destroying the state’s social programs and quality of life.  Don’t make corporate citizens and the wealthy contribute.  That’s for those dumb hippies in Oregon.  No, my friends, Rep. Parkinson believes, I mean he believes, they can win big, so there’s no need to do any of that happy-crappy responsible governing stuff.

I mean, the odds are only 195,249,054 to 1.  It’s a sure bet!

I’ve just laughed so hard I’m afraid my stomach’s prolapsed.